CHOICES…CONSEQUENCES

In this ever-changing material age,with seemingly complex forces all about us, we sometimes cry out that we are driven by force of circumstances. Yet the fact remains that we do those things which we choose to do.

I read this quote today morning and it hit me like an unexpected slap! It made so many things clear. As I thought of the many times I have blamed the circumstances around me of not being able to do certain things or the reason why I did others but then I realize that in doing one or not doing the other, that time was spent doing something else and so in reality what it is is that I chose something else over another and circumstance is just an excuse not to look bad or simply a way not to take responsibility. I was about to write to my Pastor about my absence in church and mainly the praise and worship team and I was going to blame the circumstances I am currently in as the reason but after reading this statement, I held back on my statement and realized I just had to say it as; call a spade a spade and deal with the consequences.

I think why most of the time we blame circumstances is because of the bad habit we have formed as human beings of not taking responsibility and instead always having a scape-goat to try and not ruin our image or deal with the consequences of our actions.They say even not making a choice is adecision.So, we are always making decisions, whether we recognize them as decisions or not and we may have an excuse for the why or why not but other people will somehow see it as just that, anexcuse.Some may understand but some will see it for what it is;an excuse.

And so today I make a conscious decision to always be conscious about the choices I am making and every time before I blame a circumstance/ situation for my action, to analyse and find out what decision I did make that is keeping me from doing the other.I may not turn out to be a favourite of many but at least I will be keeping my truth; that which I know is the real reason why A cannot happen is because B is happening. In taking up this cause, I am sure it will help me be real and honest with everyone and the god thing about the truth is that it sets you free.

And about being honest, I finally put to rest the fight of trying to get back to being friends with someone who betrayed my trust so badly.I have tried talking myself into liking them as much as I did and maybe even making them a part of my life but my conscious has refused.Do I hate them? Far from it.I did forgive but there cannot be friendship or relationship without trust and so there is no need for pretence.That ship is like the Titanic; it went and sunk in the Atlantic Ocean and it cannot be salvaged. I realize that we complicate life for ourselves; that the sooner we are honest with ourselves first and then with those around us, the easier and simpler life becomes.

With these very few words, I take a bow.

LOST

Today,I wish I could disappear.I wish I could change my number;move to a new place where no one knows me and start afresh.I feel like I have made one too many mistakes.I have lost some amazing friendships,I have been involved in some complicated relationships.I still have some awesome friends in my life but it really is not about them,is it?Its not about the people I’ve met and lost or met and kept.It’s about me and the life that God has entrusted me with and what I do with it daily.Every decision I make today affects my tomorrow;it changes how my tomorrow looks like and that’s really what’s up.So what choices am I making today?

Allowing myself to be the place where people can come and forget about their worries and have a good time.I behave like I am a drug;and like a drug,I am a temporal situation to some;a feel good solution when nothing is working or when people want to take the steam off their crazy lives.I have been playing that role well because as much as I shout it outside,I don’t believe in my worth.I lower my standards so that other people can validate me because somehow I think I need it.

Don’t get me wrong,I know it all in theory,actually I can get you from where I am to where you will love yourself in a matter of seconds,(exaggeration intended) but I cannot do that for myself.I am not that amazing friend to myself and I’m afraid I’m not sure I know how to be one;to myself.

Take this blog for example.It still surprises me when I get new followers,despite the fact that my writing has been applauded since I was like 12.My English teachers have somehow always used my writings as an example in school but still,I get surprised.It could be the whole being modest thing;not wanting it all to get to my head but I don’t think that’s it for me.

My closest friends seem to be far and busy and I feel like I can no longer access them as easily as I used before.So does that mean I am the only one who cares that much?I doubt it;I think what it is is I value people more than I value myself and so I easily betray myself to be there for others.

I write coz it frees me.I love writing because it has been the one ‘friend’ that has always been there;in good and bad times;always readily available.Writing is never too busy that I can’t reach it and yet,it is also a mirror.It shows me the true refelection of myself or at least what I think that is.It mirrors what I feel inside that at times I cannot say in words.Speech is very difficult for me.Id choose written over spoken word every day and probably because it feels like a safe place.

I am afraid of heartbreaks;afraid of upsetting the status quo,so I just play along,in roles that don’t really work for me.I play along because I am afraid of ruffling feathers and not being able to deal with the aftermath.The fear of the unknown imprisons me in the comfort of the known that most often than not is detrimental to my existence.

What is happiness to me?It is the state of being comfortable in my own skin and not being apologetic about it.And what is it not?happiness is not being dependent on outside forces to feel okay.

I know what I need to do.Question is,am I brave enough to deal with the aftermath that will follow?Truth,I don’t know.

Belief in self I believe is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself-this,not being dependent on what everyone else around you thinks.When you believe in yourself,you can do anything you set out to do and you can stand up to anyone because you know you can.

I have had issues with this and I have flu

ctuated between self belief and doubt,keeping in mind that I will quote the Bible and say ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’I have said it and not believed it at times and thank the Lord for awesome friends who at times believe me on my behalf and don’t allow me to settle for less.

Ever heard of a saying ‘you teach others how to treat you’?Because you do and so people will deal with you at the level they find you when they meet you.That is why when I find I don’t like how someone treats me,I take a step back and analyse my part in that play!How have I been acting around them?Did I do or say anything to make them think it is okay for them to treat me like they did?More often than not,that answer is yes.Tyrese once posted a video on facebook talking about ‘what you accept,you expect’.
If you accept disrespect,don’t get shocked when it happens.The first time someone does something that does not sit well with you,that’s one time too many.You need to call them out and give it to them straight.’You talked to me this way and I did not appreciate.Don’t let it happen again’

You need boundaries around and about you.You need to know your bottom line and if someone crosses your boundaries,well,you need to be speaking another language with them.When you believe in yourself and your awesomess,you will very much be able to say ‘move along’ without twiching and it does not mean some of these decisions won’t hurt,but why you wanna be with/hang around someone who does not treat you the way you expect?

The power is in your hands,to live the kind of life you want to;always remember that.It is in your hands and don’t you give it away to anyone,no matter how amazing they look as we are all human and to err is part of who we are.Next time you find yourself complaining about how badly someone is treating you,take a seat back and find out what your role was in that and once you do,change it ,pick yourself up and build that electric fence of boundaries up and be so sure of yourself that you be ready to let go of or move along without some people who try to ‘break in’.

Do not allow,hence enabling bad habits and then complain about it later.Remember,what you accept,you expect!